Infinite Loop (A Short Story from the Underword)


I died.

It just happened. And in such a stupid way. If I weren’t dead, I’d be angry with myself. To fall off a cliff… Who does that?

On the positive side, once you’re dead nothing matters anymore. Some feelings are left, some memories from the past, some emotions that were strong while you were alive. I’m a spirit now, a shadow of myself, but I am still me. It’s hard to explain it to the living, so I’ll leave it at that.

It all happened just like they said it would. I appeared next to a wide river, a river so long I could not see its end. I was greeted by a boatman. Well, actually, he just gave me a small nod. He didn’t welcome me or call out my name. I realized I had a golden coin in my hand, and I handed it to him. He then helped me climb into the boat.

“It’s strange,” I said.

“What’s strange?” I was surprised that the boatman actually replied.

“It’s all happening just the way I though it would.”

“Well, I don’t see why it’s strange then.”

“I didn’t expect it to happen the way I expected it to happen,” I tried to explain. I guess I’m quite bad at explaining things.

The boatman said nothing. He must’ve thought I was a complete fool. Before I had the time to feel embarrassed, the ride was over. It was impossible we’d already reached the other side, but this was the Underworld. You can expect everything. I had passed to the other side, and I wasn’t bothered by such questions anymore. My only desire was to be given a place to live, my own little piece of eternity.

“Oh, not again!” the boatman suddenly gave a loud sigh. In that moment, he almost looked like your average mortal.

I looked ahead and saw a young woman approaching the river bank.

“I will come for you, my love!” she shouted into the void.

“I know, my love!” even I, being dead and all, was surprised to hear a voice respond to her from the mist.

“Stupid young people,” the boatman grumbled.

“What is going on?” I asked.

“These two stupid lovebirds are really making a mess here. I don’t know why the Mistress allows it. I think she finds it funny. Well, it stopped being funny after the first forty-two times!” he screamed into the mist.

“What are they doing?” I wanted to know.

“Well, he promised her that, if she died before him, he would go to the Underworld and beg the Master and the Mistress to let her live. He would take her place. And she promised she would do the same. Stupid young people. They swore an oath to each other. They never realized it lead to an infinite loop.”

“Infinite loop?”

“You aren’t too bright yourself, are you? Well, he was the first to die. Killed in a war. And she did what she’d promised. She pleaded the gods to let him live and take her instead. They had better things to do than deal with their nonsense, so they accepted. They cared only for the number of souls, not who those souls belonged to. But, you see, now she was dead, and he was alive. So, to honour his oath, he had to come back and take her place. And then he was dead and she came here again… You understand?”

“That’s quite stupid,” I had to admit.

“Well, at least we see each other in passing,” the girl hissed at me and took her place in the boat.

The boatman shrugged in resignation and went to do his job.

I felt like laughing, but I didn’t. Everything was paler now, even my amusement. Still, I knew, I would like my new home.

A silly story. Hope you like it anyway. XD

Choosing to Choose

For as long as I can remember, I felt his dark eyes following me. I don’t know why I say dark, because they were pale blue and icy, but it is how they seemed to me.

His presence enveloped me every time I danced in the meadows with the others. I don’t know why we did that. It seemed as if we were having fun, but it wasn’t the reason we were doing it. We were supposed to dance, and we were expected to admire the colourful flowers. It wasn’t dancing, it was only living. We could be nothing else but happy and pretty. And even though I had often heard that I was the prettiest of them all, I never saw it. We all had flowy dresses and flowers in our hair. We were all beautiful. We all looked the same.

One day, we felt the ground shake underneath our bare feet. I heard the screams in fear of an earthquake, but I knew it was something else. I lowered myself to the ground, trying to keep my balance, grabbing the soft grass. My white dress flew around me like a cloud and the flowers from my hair threatened to fly away. Suddenly everything was still again.

I opened my eyes to see a crack in the ground, in front of me a deep, endless abyss. I noticed that I was shrouded by a dark shadow, so I looked up. I met the eyes that had haunted me. It was him.

I was scared, but more than anything I was angry. He grabbed my hands and helped me lift myself from the ground. Before I even noticed, I was falling down the abysmal pit. I never had a choice. First I was dancing, and now I was falling, and I chose none of it.

He was silent. We stood in the darkness until my eyes got used to it. Then I saw a ragged man with tangled beard and fiery eyes. He motioned to a boat and I knew I should enter it. My captor walked behind me, and took a place by my side. Suddenly, a swarm of fireflies surrounded the boat, and they flew beside it, lighting the way. The ferryman rowed carefully, obviously not used to the fireflies flying around him.

We first sailed the river of pain. I expected to hear screams of the dead, souls fighting to come back to life. Instead I encountered peace. Never have I experienced such silence, such tranquillity. Its eeriness reminded me how fragile life is.

Then we entered the river of wailing, and cold air of sorrow surrounded me. I had never felt like this before. My life was a cheerful one, life of songs and flowery meadows. But now sorrow seemed beautiful to me, because only those who had something to lose could feel it. I never did.

Next was the river of forgetfulness. I moved from the edge of the boat, scared that its water would touch me. I don’t want to forget who I am. But who am I anyway?

The fourth river is not a river at all, but a path of fire. This is where I hear the screams. Do some people really deserve to be punished so harshly? What have they done? I realized I didn’t know what to think of it. I knew nothing of evil and human crimes. I knew so little of life.

The last river was the widest one. It was peaceful and it led us to a great hall. I took a deep breath and absorbed its dark beauty.

My captor held my hand.

“You know me”, he said. It was the first time I heard him speak. His voice is husky and calm.

“I know who you are”, I responded.

“No, you know more. I know you do.”

I was not sure what he thought by it. I followed him into the hall. I felt tired. We had spent much more time on the boat than it seemed. It was hard for me to keep my eyes open. My captor led me to a room, furnished only with a huge bed covered with the softest feathers I had ever touched. I soon fell asleep.

I recall the previous day now, at the large breakfast table, filled with all kinds of colourful fruits. I’m looking into my captor’s eyes as he offers me some pomegranate seeds.

“They will come, and they have all the right to take you back, your colourful mother and my sweet brother”, he says calmly, and I feel a bitterness in his tone, a bitterness which somehow sounds familiar.

I guess I was lucky it wasn’t his brother who took an interest in me. Those young women never ended well. I feel anger again. I do not want to be so powerless, I refuse to live by the caprice of others.

“There is nothing I can do about it, but you can. You know what they say about the seeds in the Underworld. Once you eat them, you must stay.”

I look at the seeds, and then I gaze again into his eyes. Was he right? Do I really now him?

“You can choose to be my wife”, he concludes.

“I do not choose to be a wife”, I say as I pick up the seeds from his hand. “I choose to be an empress.”

He smiles a crooked smile and I know he likes my answer.

“I choose to choose”, I smile back at him.

I bite the pomegranate seeds, and I feel them melt on my tongue. They are both sweet and sour, and I know it is the best taste I have ever experienced. I am amazed that something so wonderful grows in a place so dark.

But the Underworld does not seem dark to me anymore. It seems as alive as the flowers and the green grass of my meadows. It is just the other side of the same coin. One does not exist without the other. Before coming here, I never knew what life was.

My captor points to a mirror. I look and see myself changed. My ginger hair turned auburn in the Underworld light. There are no more flowers in my hair, and my dress is not flowy or white. The dress is now black, close-fitting and sturdy, decorated with giant feathers. Instead of a nymph-like girl, I see a person of power. I see somebody who should be respected, even feared.

For the first time I see in my reflection that I truly am beautiful.

Hades and Persephone by Dulceta on Deviantart